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ladycallieEnchantment is defined as: influence by or as if by charms; bewitch; to attract and move deeply; to rouse; to ecstatic admiration. My theme, Enchantment Passing Through takes a look at a few different scenes from BtVS that display an element of enchantment. But this is a Whedon show and any such charms are only fleeting.
Season Four, Episode Ten: HUSH featuring The Gentlemen
OPEN ME IN A NEW WINDOW [D], but don't watch.
Can't even shout. Can't even cry. The Gentlemen are coming by.
Looking in windows, knocking on doors...
They need to take seven...
... and they might take yours.
Can't call to mom.
Can't say a word.
You're gonna die screaming
but you won't be heard.
That that didn't scare the bejesus out of you, I highly recommend THIS [D] video for supplemental scares.
Season Three, Episode Nineteen: The Prom - Angel's Dream
Season Three, Episode Twenty-Two: Graduation Day part II - Buffy feeds Angel
Season Six, Episodes Eighteen and Nineteen: Entropy and Seeing Red - Willow and Tara "Skip it"
This leads us to my fanmix. It’s no secret that I’m forever a Willow/Tara shipper. Seeing Red has a few glorious scenes and one that still brings me to tears. This isn’t that fanmix. This mix is joy, hope and passion. This is the music our bodies sing when we connect to the person we love. There are no blue shirts, no stray bullets. Each kiss isn’t the last kiss, but the beginning of the next kiss. The red isn’t blood here; it’s love, love tangled up in crimson sheets, a great healing heart surrounding my favorite couple.
Enjoy.
Ache for You by Ben Lee (Tara)
it's getting late
anticipation
and if we talk
communication
and then you'll know
I ache for you
That Kind of Love by Alison Krauss (Tara)
But if it's only tears and pain
Isn't it still worth the cost
Like some sweet saving grace
Or a river we must cross
If we don't understand
What this life is made of
We learn the truth
When we find that kind of love
Arms by Christina Perri (Willow)
How many times will you let me change my mind and turn around
I can't decide if I'll let you save my life or if I'll drown
I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling
I'll never let a love get so close
You put your arms around me and I'm home
The Rainbow Connection by Sarah McLachlan (both)
The voice might be one and the same.
I've heard it too many times to ignore it.
It's something that I'm supposed to be.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
the lovers, the dreamers and me.
Ray of Light by Natasha Bedingfield (both)
Faster than the speeding light she's flying
Trying to remember where it all began
She's got herself a little piece of heaven
And I feel like I just got home
Temple by Kristin Hoffman (Willow)
Color me
With your wild night dream
When you called
When you called, you called my name
Color me sweet
Sweet as summer night roses
Falling down
Falling around our feet
A Case of You by Joni Mitchell (Tara)
I remember that time you told me you said
"Love is touching souls"
Surely you touched mine
'Cause part of you pours out of me
In these lines from time to time
Oh, you're in my blood like holy wine
You taste so bitter and so sweet
You Turned Me into Somebody Loved by The Weepies (Tara)
Now my feet turn the corner back home
Sun turns the evening to rose
Stars turning high up above
You turn me into somebody loved
Remains by Maurissa Tancharoen (Tara)
I've known it from the moment that we met,
No doubt in my mind where you belong.
Shine light on me
Your image reflected is all you’ll ever see
Thank You by Dido (both)
Push the door, I'm home at last
and I'm soaking through and through
Then you hand me a towel
and all I see is you
And even if my house falls down,
I wouldn't have a clue
Because you're near me
You are My Joy by The Reindeer Section (both)
I won't be there to break your sweet heart
But not being there might break your sweet heart.
You are my joy
If I could cradle you into my arms
I would cradle you tight in my arms
Always
Download the album HERE.
Title: Enchantment Passing Through Prologue
Rating: PG13
Setting: BtVS post series (no comic spoilers)
Word count: 1018
Characters: Willow, Tara
Willow stood knee deep in tepid water, the long folds of her dress floating around her feet. Voices drifted across the pool, blending with the grey fog like ghostly spirits adrift in a watery graveyard. A couple stood submerged, mists rising around them like a cloak, obscuring their faces. They both wore long draping tunics, the hems vanishing in the brackish water lapping at their knees. They stood shoulder to shoulder, a crook and flail in each of the man’s arms, a great, glowing disk shimmering above the woman’s dark head, the mist flicking shadows across her face.
The specter figures faced her. The man spoke, his voice low and echoing, ripples on the water, “She does not belong here.”
The woman turned slowly towards him, a sound like rustling feathers, “She is more than mortal. May she not stay?” Her words were light and whispered yet they carried across the distance, caressing Willow’s face.
The man shook his head, “No. Her heart has not been weighed. She does not belong.”
“Who do you mean?” Willow called to them, her voice sharp and echoing in the cavern. “Do you mean me? Why don’t I belong?” She took a few steps towards them, her soaking dress slowing her. “Where is this? Hello?” Willow gathered her gown, raising the hem out of the water to cross to the couple. Every step seemed to move them an equal step further away.
“Please!” she cried, “Answer me!”
The couple seemed oblivious of her struggle, their faces turned to look through her, behind her. Willow stopped and turned, glancing backwards. Her dress made a heavy slapping sound as her hands involuntarily flexed, dark water splashing her face even as she blinked in shock.
“Tara...”
Backlit by a silvery glow, her lover appeared barefoot on a shallow strip of dry ground. Mists rose and wrapped around her, caressing the bare skin on her arms, trailing along long grey bandages wrapped loosely around her body. Willow’s heart sang, a rich clear note exploding behind her eyes as she drank in a vision she had dreamed of every night. She rushed towards Tara, water splashing and churning as she slogged through the pond. A strand of her wet hair cut across her eyes, stinging, as her feet finally touched the base that Tara stood upon. She rubbed her eyes, blinking hurriedly up at Tara. Her stomach dropped like a stone, the effervescent bubble of joy and love and hope and everything that was Tara bursting as she clearly saw her lover.
Gone was Tara’s golden hair, once soft and flowing down her back. Her tresses now were tangled in a messy knot, bits of bone and ash woven in the dark strands. Her skin, always petal soft and tanned with the glow of summer was tinged green and flaking, bare patches of mottled sinew showing under the wrappings. Tara’s hands were torn and blackened, her delicate fingers broken, bit of bone exposed where her fingertips had been chewed and rotted away. Her chest was bound with fraying bandages that didn’t completely cover the hole over her heart that was stained black with dried blood. Blue eyes bleached of color, sightless and white, stared into nothing.
Willow gagged as the mist drifting over Tara carried the unmistakable smell of death.
The man spoke before Willow could speak, gesturing with his flail, “Spirit, return to Anubis and let the jackal judge your soul. You will find no rest here.” He gestured again and Tara’s corpse raised its hands pleadingly, palms up, head shaking. The man spoke a word in a language Willow did not know, his voice filling the cavern with its sound until Willow’s ears ached, the pressure building all around her. Tara’s body thrashed like it was being beaten by the sound, bandages ripping off, bit of flesh and hair tearing.
Willow screamed in agony, her voice ricocheting through the cavern, shattering the pressure of the man’s voice, her cry blasting Tara’s body into fragments of glass, a sudden wind flinging shards into the air, cutting her face. The bloody pieces fell into the pool as the air stilled. Willow shuddered, sobs catching in her raw throat. Angrily she turned to the couple who stood unbuffeted by wind or water.
“What did you do to her?” She sloshed towards them, her palms itching, “Where did you send her?” She yelled at the couple, her steps drawing her no closer towards them. “Who are you?”
The man ignored her, but the woman with the moon over her head tilted towards Willow, the glow from the floating orb shadowing her eyes. She waved a hand towards her companion, “My husband cannot speak to you here, witch.” She reached for the man, linking her arm in his,
“Osiris is the guardian of the dead, but not the gatekeeper. He would accept all souls into Duat, however the decision is not his.” Her voice was cool and emotionless.
“Where did she go?” Willow’s voice caught.
The goddess moved a few steps deeper into the water, “To the jackal and his scales. To judgement.” The water reached the woman’s waist as the man led her.
“How will I know she’s alright? What are the scales?” Willow called to her, “Please! I have to know she’s safe!”
The gods were shoulder deep now, the woman’s voice hollow and drifting across the water, “That is something you have to discover alone.” Mist surrounded them, and with a wet sigh, they vanished into the dark water.
Willow woke, eyes wide. She sat up, the book she’d drifted off reading falling into her lap. She took a few deep breaths, focusing on the open window of her upper story room, the gauzy curtains drifting in the breeze. She brushed her hair off her face, shook the itchiness of magick off of her hands.
Just a dream, she told herself. Just another dream where I couldn’t save her.
Willow sighed and reached to close the book in her lap. On the open page was a single splinter of glass, stained with a pink drop of blood.
~fin
My second mix is the soundtrack for the above mentioned fic. In Eros, Willow wanders lost in a watery dream that leaves her shaken. Nightbook plays while she pleads with her Scoobie family to understand why she needs to travel to Pompeii to beg an audience from Osiris. She seeks his forgiveness for the demands she made when Tara died, Willow’s nightmare fueling her fear that she offended the god of the dead, and in doing so may have jeopardized Tara’s place in the peaceful afterlife. Fly plays while Willow spends the day in supplication to Osiris, and receives an unexpected opportunity. Passaggio is the building hope that she may be able to save Tara. I Giorni introduces Radames, a guide sent from the goddess Bast to accompany Willow as she descends into ancient Egypt, following the Nile to the entrance to the underworld. Willow prepares a sacred circle, drawing power to open a gateway to Egypt. She and Radames follow a winding staircase downward, a single light from Willow’s magick guiding them (Ombre). In The Tower, a snake bite forces Willow to use her power while surrounded by strangers to save a young child. La Nescita Delle Cose Segrete plays as she is escorted to the palace of the Pharaoh and prepared for an audience.
There are many more songs as Willow follows her heart in her quest to restore Tara, cumulating in a single moment where Willow’s soul is weighed against (The Story).
Download the mix HERE.
And finally, a batch of icons featuring mostly Willow from various comics.
Themes used were:
03: tears
06: annoyed
08: wash away
11: wonder
13: love
16: victory
18: temptation
24: questions
27: stars
29: run away
30: this is it
31: rescue me
37: lonely
44: funny
46: left behind
47: fight
54: bad habits
60: mystery
70: coming storm
74: measure of a man
77: magic
78: meant to be
88: close crop
1-10: artists choice
Season Four, Episode Ten: HUSH featuring The Gentlemen
OPEN ME IN A NEW WINDOW [D], but don't watch.
Can't even shout. Can't even cry. The Gentlemen are coming by.
Looking in windows, knocking on doors...
They need to take seven...
... and they might take yours.
Can't call to mom.
Can't say a word.
You're gonna die screaming
but you won't be heard.
That that didn't scare the bejesus out of you, I highly recommend THIS [D] video for supplemental scares.
Season Three, Episode Nineteen: The Prom - Angel's Dream
Season Three, Episode Twenty-Two: Graduation Day part II - Buffy feeds Angel
Season Six, Episodes Eighteen and Nineteen: Entropy and Seeing Red - Willow and Tara "Skip it"
This leads us to my fanmix. It’s no secret that I’m forever a Willow/Tara shipper. Seeing Red has a few glorious scenes and one that still brings me to tears. This isn’t that fanmix. This mix is joy, hope and passion. This is the music our bodies sing when we connect to the person we love. There are no blue shirts, no stray bullets. Each kiss isn’t the last kiss, but the beginning of the next kiss. The red isn’t blood here; it’s love, love tangled up in crimson sheets, a great healing heart surrounding my favorite couple.
Enjoy.
Ache for You by Ben Lee (Tara)
it's getting late
anticipation
and if we talk
communication
and then you'll know
I ache for you
That Kind of Love by Alison Krauss (Tara)
But if it's only tears and pain
Isn't it still worth the cost
Like some sweet saving grace
Or a river we must cross
If we don't understand
What this life is made of
We learn the truth
When we find that kind of love
Arms by Christina Perri (Willow)
How many times will you let me change my mind and turn around
I can't decide if I'll let you save my life or if I'll drown
I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling
I'll never let a love get so close
You put your arms around me and I'm home
The Rainbow Connection by Sarah McLachlan (both)
The voice might be one and the same.
I've heard it too many times to ignore it.
It's something that I'm supposed to be.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
the lovers, the dreamers and me.
Ray of Light by Natasha Bedingfield (both)
Faster than the speeding light she's flying
Trying to remember where it all began
She's got herself a little piece of heaven
And I feel like I just got home
Temple by Kristin Hoffman (Willow)
Color me
With your wild night dream
When you called
When you called, you called my name
Color me sweet
Sweet as summer night roses
Falling down
Falling around our feet
A Case of You by Joni Mitchell (Tara)
I remember that time you told me you said
"Love is touching souls"
Surely you touched mine
'Cause part of you pours out of me
In these lines from time to time
Oh, you're in my blood like holy wine
You taste so bitter and so sweet
You Turned Me into Somebody Loved by The Weepies (Tara)
Now my feet turn the corner back home
Sun turns the evening to rose
Stars turning high up above
You turn me into somebody loved
Remains by Maurissa Tancharoen (Tara)
I've known it from the moment that we met,
No doubt in my mind where you belong.
Shine light on me
Your image reflected is all you’ll ever see
Thank You by Dido (both)
Push the door, I'm home at last
and I'm soaking through and through
Then you hand me a towel
and all I see is you
And even if my house falls down,
I wouldn't have a clue
Because you're near me
You are My Joy by The Reindeer Section (both)
I won't be there to break your sweet heart
But not being there might break your sweet heart.
You are my joy
If I could cradle you into my arms
I would cradle you tight in my arms
Always
Download the album HERE.
Title: Enchantment Passing Through Prologue
Rating: PG13
Setting: BtVS post series (no comic spoilers)
Word count: 1018
Characters: Willow, Tara
Willow stood knee deep in tepid water, the long folds of her dress floating around her feet. Voices drifted across the pool, blending with the grey fog like ghostly spirits adrift in a watery graveyard. A couple stood submerged, mists rising around them like a cloak, obscuring their faces. They both wore long draping tunics, the hems vanishing in the brackish water lapping at their knees. They stood shoulder to shoulder, a crook and flail in each of the man’s arms, a great, glowing disk shimmering above the woman’s dark head, the mist flicking shadows across her face.
The specter figures faced her. The man spoke, his voice low and echoing, ripples on the water, “She does not belong here.”
The woman turned slowly towards him, a sound like rustling feathers, “She is more than mortal. May she not stay?” Her words were light and whispered yet they carried across the distance, caressing Willow’s face.
The man shook his head, “No. Her heart has not been weighed. She does not belong.”
“Who do you mean?” Willow called to them, her voice sharp and echoing in the cavern. “Do you mean me? Why don’t I belong?” She took a few steps towards them, her soaking dress slowing her. “Where is this? Hello?” Willow gathered her gown, raising the hem out of the water to cross to the couple. Every step seemed to move them an equal step further away.
“Please!” she cried, “Answer me!”
The couple seemed oblivious of her struggle, their faces turned to look through her, behind her. Willow stopped and turned, glancing backwards. Her dress made a heavy slapping sound as her hands involuntarily flexed, dark water splashing her face even as she blinked in shock.
“Tara...”
Backlit by a silvery glow, her lover appeared barefoot on a shallow strip of dry ground. Mists rose and wrapped around her, caressing the bare skin on her arms, trailing along long grey bandages wrapped loosely around her body. Willow’s heart sang, a rich clear note exploding behind her eyes as she drank in a vision she had dreamed of every night. She rushed towards Tara, water splashing and churning as she slogged through the pond. A strand of her wet hair cut across her eyes, stinging, as her feet finally touched the base that Tara stood upon. She rubbed her eyes, blinking hurriedly up at Tara. Her stomach dropped like a stone, the effervescent bubble of joy and love and hope and everything that was Tara bursting as she clearly saw her lover.
Gone was Tara’s golden hair, once soft and flowing down her back. Her tresses now were tangled in a messy knot, bits of bone and ash woven in the dark strands. Her skin, always petal soft and tanned with the glow of summer was tinged green and flaking, bare patches of mottled sinew showing under the wrappings. Tara’s hands were torn and blackened, her delicate fingers broken, bit of bone exposed where her fingertips had been chewed and rotted away. Her chest was bound with fraying bandages that didn’t completely cover the hole over her heart that was stained black with dried blood. Blue eyes bleached of color, sightless and white, stared into nothing.
Willow gagged as the mist drifting over Tara carried the unmistakable smell of death.
The man spoke before Willow could speak, gesturing with his flail, “Spirit, return to Anubis and let the jackal judge your soul. You will find no rest here.” He gestured again and Tara’s corpse raised its hands pleadingly, palms up, head shaking. The man spoke a word in a language Willow did not know, his voice filling the cavern with its sound until Willow’s ears ached, the pressure building all around her. Tara’s body thrashed like it was being beaten by the sound, bandages ripping off, bit of flesh and hair tearing.
Willow screamed in agony, her voice ricocheting through the cavern, shattering the pressure of the man’s voice, her cry blasting Tara’s body into fragments of glass, a sudden wind flinging shards into the air, cutting her face. The bloody pieces fell into the pool as the air stilled. Willow shuddered, sobs catching in her raw throat. Angrily she turned to the couple who stood unbuffeted by wind or water.
“What did you do to her?” She sloshed towards them, her palms itching, “Where did you send her?” She yelled at the couple, her steps drawing her no closer towards them. “Who are you?”
The man ignored her, but the woman with the moon over her head tilted towards Willow, the glow from the floating orb shadowing her eyes. She waved a hand towards her companion, “My husband cannot speak to you here, witch.” She reached for the man, linking her arm in his,
“Osiris is the guardian of the dead, but not the gatekeeper. He would accept all souls into Duat, however the decision is not his.” Her voice was cool and emotionless.
“Where did she go?” Willow’s voice caught.
The goddess moved a few steps deeper into the water, “To the jackal and his scales. To judgement.” The water reached the woman’s waist as the man led her.
“How will I know she’s alright? What are the scales?” Willow called to her, “Please! I have to know she’s safe!”
The gods were shoulder deep now, the woman’s voice hollow and drifting across the water, “That is something you have to discover alone.” Mist surrounded them, and with a wet sigh, they vanished into the dark water.
Willow woke, eyes wide. She sat up, the book she’d drifted off reading falling into her lap. She took a few deep breaths, focusing on the open window of her upper story room, the gauzy curtains drifting in the breeze. She brushed her hair off her face, shook the itchiness of magick off of her hands.
Just a dream, she told herself. Just another dream where I couldn’t save her.
Willow sighed and reached to close the book in her lap. On the open page was a single splinter of glass, stained with a pink drop of blood.
~fin
My second mix is the soundtrack for the above mentioned fic. In Eros, Willow wanders lost in a watery dream that leaves her shaken. Nightbook plays while she pleads with her Scoobie family to understand why she needs to travel to Pompeii to beg an audience from Osiris. She seeks his forgiveness for the demands she made when Tara died, Willow’s nightmare fueling her fear that she offended the god of the dead, and in doing so may have jeopardized Tara’s place in the peaceful afterlife. Fly plays while Willow spends the day in supplication to Osiris, and receives an unexpected opportunity. Passaggio is the building hope that she may be able to save Tara. I Giorni introduces Radames, a guide sent from the goddess Bast to accompany Willow as she descends into ancient Egypt, following the Nile to the entrance to the underworld. Willow prepares a sacred circle, drawing power to open a gateway to Egypt. She and Radames follow a winding staircase downward, a single light from Willow’s magick guiding them (Ombre). In The Tower, a snake bite forces Willow to use her power while surrounded by strangers to save a young child. La Nescita Delle Cose Segrete plays as she is escorted to the palace of the Pharaoh and prepared for an audience.
There are many more songs as Willow follows her heart in her quest to restore Tara, cumulating in a single moment where Willow’s soul is weighed against (The Story).
Download the mix HERE.
And finally, a batch of icons featuring mostly Willow from various comics.
| 001 | 002 | 003 |
 |  |  |
| 004 | 005 | 006 |
 |  |  |
| 007 | 008 | 009 |
 |  |  |
| 010 | 011 | 012 |
 |  |  |
| 013 | 014 | 015 |
 |  |  |
| 016 | 017 | 018 |
 |  |  |
| 019 | 020 | 021 |
 |  |  |
| 022 | 023 | 024 |
 |  |  |
| 025 | 026 | 027 |
 |  |  |
| 028 | 029 | 030 |
 |  |  |
| 031 | 032 | 033 |
 |  |  |
| 034 | 035 | |
 |  | |
Themes used were:
03: tears
06: annoyed
08: wash away
11: wonder
13: love
16: victory
18: temptation
24: questions
27: stars
29: run away
30: this is it
31: rescue me
37: lonely
44: funny
46: left behind
47: fight
54: bad habits
60: mystery
70: coming storm
74: measure of a man
77: magic
78: meant to be
88: close crop
1-10: artists choice
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2011-05-30 07:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-05-31 04:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-05-30 08:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-05-31 04:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-05-30 09:47 pm (UTC)Great job!
no subject
Date: 2011-05-31 04:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-05-30 09:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-05-31 04:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-05-31 04:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-05-31 04:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-05-31 05:48 am (UTC)GOOD JOB!
Feedback-a-thon Goodness
Date: 2011-12-28 05:01 pm (UTC)31, 32, 29...and 04 was good, but who the heck is that? Was it Willow? *shrugs*
Comics. *sighs*
As to the story itself, you take up a topic that is of great importance to the mythology of the series and you view it from an entirely different angle.
That is exactly what fan fiction should do if it aspires to be anything more than mind candy.
There were a few places I saw where I might've changed a word or cropped one out, but overall the language of the piece was excellent.
And that's just me being a curmudgeonly, picky, old wench. It happens. Ignore me. Your story's perfect...very evocative.
Re: Feedback-a-thon Goodness
Date: 2011-12-30 04:32 am (UTC)And yeah, lol, the comics aren't my thing either, but after doing all the pic spams, I didn't have the energy to search for caps (and the Big Bang was due). I'm glad you liked a few of them. :)
Re: Feedback-a-thon Goodness
Date: 2011-12-30 04:47 am (UTC)That wasn't flattery. It was simply the truth. I had Howard look over the story and my comments in both cases, the good and the bad, and he felt that my take was solid.
Not that that means much, but a second opinion is always nice. So you got two-for-the-price-of-one curmudgeons out of this deal.
Not bad, eh?
Re: Feedback-a-thon Goodness
Date: 2011-12-30 05:31 am (UTC)Re: Feedback-a-thon Goodness
Date: 2011-12-30 05:56 am (UTC)Feedback-a-thon Goodness
Date: 2011-12-29 08:40 am (UTC)The piece of fiction you offered here was brilliant, but I believe it got 'magpied.' People were so busy looking at all of the shiny and the purdy that they skimmed right over it and missed one of the most beautiful aspects of this post.
That's a shame, but honestly everything you offered here was evocative and you offered so much. There was music (which I'm downloading now) and pretty images and all kinda goodness. It was hard not to be distracted.
The effort you put in shows!
Were I you, I might be inclined to take another hard look at the story and maybe make an edit or two to tighten it up, then post it all by its little lonesome and see how it does.
It's good. It deserves to be noticed.
*hugs*
Re: Feedback-a-thon Goodness
Date: 2011-12-30 04:47 am (UTC)May I pester you and ask where you'd tighten things? This is just the prologue to a much larger piece (I'd actually started this as a NaNo story, but the prologue was the only chunk that was A) stand alone-ish, and B) mostly finished). Nothing here has been through a beta, and I can see several bits I want to alter just in re-skimming it now.
Re: Feedback-a-thon Goodness
Date: 2011-12-30 04:54 am (UTC)Re: Feedback-a-thon Goodness
Date: 2011-12-30 05:27 am (UTC)I was serious about that gif. Do you really not mind? I know you're been busy and I would hate to add more to your plate.
Re: Feedback-a-thon Goodness
Date: 2011-12-30 06:07 am (UTC)What you're likely to see is a lot of notes when I pass it back. I could go more hands on, but I don't think that's appropriate in this case. I do that for De sometimes but she and I have actually met IRL and we have a pretty solid relationship. Even with all that, it can still cause bruised feelings. We have to work like heck to communicate our intentions clearly.
I'd rather just tell you where I feel it should be beefed up and how I'd go about that and where it could be culled. I caught a little bit of what I felt was adjective overload on the first pass, but it was a little smoother on the second. I'll give the piece a third and forth pass and see what happens.
I do know that I wouldn't be able to do that here. You theme is pretty, but it's killing this blind old woman. *is squinting*
Feedback-a-thon Goodness
Date: 2011-12-29 09:04 am (UTC)The image of Willow running through water in a dress is enduring. I really hadn't considered how difficult that might be, but the more I roll the idea around in my head, the more evocative it becomes. It's just beautiful. The fact that she arrives at her destination and her hopes are dashed is even more beautiful still.
The notion that Tara's eternal rest might've been jeopardized by Willow's challenge is a plot seed that you could run out into a much longer work. I've turned it over in my head and I could write a novel based on the concept. It's amazing. This could be the prologue.
I don't know what your commitments are, but I'd suggest brainstorming if that holds any appeal. The piece is there, you just need to take hold of it.
I'm honestly, genuinely impressed. Kudos.
Re: Feedback-a-thon Goodness
Date: 2011-12-30 05:24 am (UTC)There's so much to this story, I'm honestly intimidated by it. My comfort writing zone is somewhere under 3K, and like I said above, this was originally a NaNo story, and it's the longest, most detailed, epic thing I've ever plotted. I struggle with dialogue, so I tend to write in fits and bursts when the muse humors me. I've got a bunch drafted and an equal bunch - not including the prologue- that's half way readable.
I've been debating buying that Dragon speech to text software that was advertised everywhere this Christmas, with the thought that speaking the story would at least get the bones out, so then I can add the layers without agonizing over the core plot (which I really do love). Not so sure about how awkward it would be to actually do that, as it's not often I'm alone in the house, but we'll see.
Thank you again, you really have inspired me to work on this again.
Re: Feedback-a-thon Goodness
Date: 2011-12-30 06:36 am (UTC)First of all I have a little wisdom for you...though you may think it's horse poop. ;)
Long works aren't any different than short ones. You do the same thing you did here. You just do it more times. The scenes build off of one another into a cohesive thing, but they are just scenes. There's always a history in storytelling. When we write a short story in an existing fandom...or hell, even in a brand spanking new world, there's a ton of back story to take into account. Characters have lives, else they are just cardboard facsimiles. Right here you used damn near six seasons of back story as a springboard. These characters have a history and when you approached this piece, you took that into account.
It's the same thing.
One step at a time, dear. You look at the scene you are currently writing and that's the only thing you worry about. How does that scene fit into the whole? What would the characters be thinking? How would they feel emotionally? What would they see? What would they smell? What would they feel physically? How would their environment affect them? How would the influence of the other character impact them?
Do that about fifteen times and you officially have your first novel.
Seriously, don't fret over it. It's all good.
On Dragon Naturally Speaking...my father uses the heck out of it and loves it to death. I don't. I'm sharing his experience. He's been trying to talk me into it. He says that you have to, of course, enunciate clearly and that you must think about punctuation as you go. It's a piece of software and there will always be a learning curve with software. That's obvious. But he loves it.
If you need anything else, up to and including someone to actually listen and bounce ideas off of, I'll be around. You have my email and my cellular number is yours for the asking.
Be well.
Val
Re: Feedback-a-thon Goodness
Date: 2011-12-30 06:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-29 05:45 pm (UTC)This is a very interesting piece. I liked how you entwined the Egyptian mythology in this piece. I liked the juxtaposition of Willow's joy of being reunited with Tara and her horror with the decaying corpse that Tara is becoming. I also liked how I am doubting that this is just a simple dream like Willow thinks that it is.
The story is deceptively simple but again it's the imagery that you use that packs quite the punch. Well done.
no subject
Date: 2012-02-07 05:07 am (UTC)Thank you, I find Egyptian mythology fascinating, and the myth of Isis and Osiris is, at times, fairly reflective of Willow and Tara's story. I'm working to sculpt this into a much longer piece. I'm glad that this snippet works for you. :)